Where I Belong

But I’m not sentimental, this skin and bones is a rental. And no one makes it out alive.//

These words fall into the lyrics of a song that has carried me through the hardest moments. After all, these are what songs are for, to resonate like a symphony, an anthem of hope in the darkest places.
However, confession, I am sentimental. And I am learning how to balance capturing the moments and realizing that their beauty is only a passing glimpse of the waiting wonder beyond.
There is so much that I am fighting to hold on to and let go of. It’s like these past few weeks have been the final stretch of a phase of my life. Sophomore year is almost done. In two short weeks, summer will have officially arrived. And I want to just sit back and treasure these simple moments.
Seniors, one who has poured heart and wisdom and the Gospel into my life, who has gone out of her way to invest in me, another who writes a name on my coffee cup in a perfectly artistic scrawl, another who’s passion for art and creativity have inspired me to reflect the Creator in this way. These are all little things, but they hold so much beauty. A voice and song that started out my freshman year, the first chapel of sophomore year, a final song. Watching these people come alive to their passion and witnessing the art that comes out of their fingertips, it is magic and a privilege every single day of the week. And I almost missed it. But wow, am I so grateful that I had eyes opened to grow and be inspired by it.
The leaves have fallen outside these windows. Seasons have shifted in indecisive signs, occasionally showing hints of all four woven throughout the day. The skies have been swirled with clouds, painted with stars, turned shades with the winds and rising and setting motion of the sun and moon. The heart inside my chest has been heavy and light. I have had a front row seat to the comings and goings of every busy soul. Through these glass panes, I have spent hours gazing beyond to realize all that is going on in messy chaotic wonder, and all that can be.
And here, on this last day to hold the time and capture every hour, we celebrate the close of another wild and changing year and I attempt to find a constant in this haze of many emotions. But inwardly I trace it all back to a first Saturday here. When the small space of the Ville was overwhelming and transition had me spinning upside down and losing it at the smallest disturbance. #CedarvilletakesColumbus was born. We loaded up in strangers cars, and faced the elements and uncertainties together. And these words concluded the night : Where I Belong. “I’m honored to be alive with each every one of you tonight” the words spoken right before the start of the song. So powerful.
Today, those words intertwine with my soul and tattoo themselves bold on my skin. Because there is hope in knowing that yes, these years are filled with times when we try and win and try and fail, and there is too much brokenness to face but you have to fight it, but all of this confusing and growing and shaping gives way to a better world, somewhere where our souls can permanently belong. Where all the beauty will be in one place, where all the joy and hope and light and lovely things will reside, where we will have time to experience it all intensely and never run out. And so today, I replay that moment and carry it into the ones to come.

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