I said God I do not understand this world
Everything is dying and broken
Why do I see nothing but suffering
God I’m asking could this be Your plan
Sin has taken hold of this whole land
Will You not say anything else to me?
Lately, these opening lines have been echoing throughout my soul. More like yelling internally through the beyond-midnight tears in a tiny college dorm room, if I’m painting an accurate picture here. Everything has been spinning out of control.
It’s like I’m watching life from a front row theater seat, watching the movie events unfold in blurring frenzy and disarray, the colors bleeding together. This season of life has been frustrating and painful.
Do you ever sit there, world spiraling beyond reach, hopes shattered, wrapping bleeding hands around the shards trying to gain control?
Yet deep down you know you’re not the one writing this story, unfolding scenes, making the headlines. You’ve been playing pretend, dressing up in your best outfits that make you appear polished and together, organizing schedules and to do lists in color coordination, saying the rehearsed, mature responses to the events that compose your world. Being the grown up you’ve idealized in your head, holding together a million responsibilities and carefully creating and curating a life that you love.
But it’s not yours and never was from the start, from that very first arrival cry breath into the crazy atmosphere of this upside-down world with its intense highs and lows.
With this realization, I’ve been journey through the book of Job, growing closely acquainted with the ins and outs of his story. Reading and rereading at all hours of the day the depths of His character to Job even as Job walked through the hardest season if his life. It all comes to a forced meeting point, of Job’s confusion, pain, and wrestling and of God’s truly glorious and awesome revelation of Himself. And this is my favorite part.
Job 38.1 “Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirleind…”
He said where were you the day that I measured
Sunk the banks and stretched the line over
All the earth and carved out its corner stone?
Where were you the day that I spoke and
Told the sun to split the night open
Caused the morning dark with its light to show
Who shut in the ocean with stone doors
Marked the reach of tides on those new shores
Hung the day the waves rose and first broke forth
Have you seen the springs of that great sea
Walked the caverns carved in the black deep
Through the gates of darkness there on its floor
Have you seen the armoury i hold
Snow and hail are stacked up in silos
For the times of trouble and war and strife
Can you raise your voice to the storm cloud
Would the thunder answer and ring out
Does the lightning ask you where it should strike
Who has cleft the channels for torrents
Rain to sprout the desert with forest
In the wilderness that my hand has built
Can you hunt the prey for your lions
Can you loose the cords of orion
Is this whole world bending beneath your will?
When verse 7 asks where Job was “when the morning stars sang together and alll the sons of God shouted for joy?”my mind is instantly drawn back to the Magician’s nephew. That magically sparkling moment when Aslan calls Narnia forth, creating its world. When out of nothing, he sings a most special place into existence, making art.
And just like Aslan in those beloved childhood fairytales that filled countless nights of lamplight hours, not only is this act wonder-inducing, it shows that He is mysterious. He is beyond our wildest imagination, not this relateable, explainable, packaged version we create.
With Job, I realize that He is beyond compare.
Yet we’re still trying to limit the outcomes, planning for every possible disaster, having a route of escape. Refusing to trust Him with our lives, our storms, our successes. Not acknowledging how great He is, how full and vast His nature expands.
He is incomprehensible and has a plan that stretches before the foundation of this world. And as Ephesians 1 further highlights, he chose us before the foundation of the world, in love. That alone should floor us and cause us to put the emphasis on what He is doing in the snapshot of our lives and the massive picture of space and time, all of redemptive history.
The bigger God is, the smaller I feel, the safer I am. Yet, am I living with this perspective? That being small is a good thing, that He is infinitely grander in scale and as such is the best one to be handling everything.
We will never exhaust God or discover all of who He is. Why do I so easily forget this?
And so in learning to be more desperate for Him, in continually bringing our hearts back to Him in the rough seasons, we need to expand our view of His greatness. Remember who He is and the depth of His character. How He is larger than this entire universe, composing it’s symphony of a million different parts. And yet, He thoroughly knows every thing in your heart and the tiniest details of your world.
Then it all comes to a conclusion, beautifully wrapping together so many strands of the tapestry. Richer and more vivd than you could hope.
I spoke of things I did not understand
Things too wonderful for me
Although I had no right to ask
My God knelt and answered me
J O B 42.1-6 | Then Job answered the Lord and said: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.’Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you will make it know.
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
Now my eye sees Him, beholds who He truly is. Perspective in the madness. Hope when oceans threaten to drown. Peace staring up at the starry sky during one of the most intense internal battles ever. This is the God we know, we love, we give our lives to because He is so worthy of it all, now and forever.
For further reflection, here’s the song that inspired this post: Ghost Ship | Where Where You?
Keep expanding your view of His greatness friends,